Scott Cool did apparently! Good thing he signed his name and age, it drives me nuts when people turn these in with no name/age. I mean, how am I supposed to give you your grade if I don’t know who did it!?!? Grade A Scott, grade A… scratch that- Grade F. You mispelled my name.
–Eric
I want one thing to be understood right upfront: I am as big a fan of both a little innocent devilishness and of women as there possibly can be. There is nothing I enjoy quite so well as the company of the fairer sex, hearing their points of view (which are numerous), learning their likes and dislikes, their sensibilities, etc, etc. As well, their are few things which I enjoy better than rooting for the bad guy to win. Just because someone is a criminal or some kind of megalomaniac doesn’t mean that deep down inside they are rotten. They just… got a little off course. They may appear to be, or may in fact be evil, but still you just have to hope they win.
That said: ”Twilight” is the devil and its mind controlling vampire evil must be stopped at all costs!
For those of you who, like myself, have not read the “Twilight” series it is a very popular series of books about some girl and a vampire who is SOOOOOOOoooo GREAT that all the girls who read theose stupid books are all like “Ooooh that vampire is so dreamy! I just think he is so great! Why can’t real boys be like him? I wish I had a vampire to stalk me. I’m going to hold ridiculous expectations about guys now for the rest of my life!” 
Seriously Ladies put the books down! This thing has to stop! Let me remind you of a few things:
Number One: He is a VAMPIRE! Vampires are evil! Not fun evil but evil evil. Girls, they are hellspawn and do not make good drinking buddies let alone potential life partners! Why? Because they are evil monsters who feed on the blood of the living! Which is METAL and AWESOME I know! MONSTERS WHO FEED ON BLOOD ARE BRUTAL! But that is because the are horrific undead fiends who terrorize the night NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE PRETTY BOYS WHOSE FEMININITY MAKES YOUR ENTRANCE INTO SEXUAL MATURITY LESS FRIGHTENING! They deserve wooden stakes be driven into all of their unholy chest cavities and their undead bodies, an abomination to God that must be burned with fire!
Number Two: Men don’t act like that and you don’t want them to act like that! Any dude who waits more than three weeks for a girl inevitably winds up being labeled a loser by the girl he is going after. Now I know the truth about women: If a girl likes a guy it doesn’t matter what he does, she likes him and if she doesn’t like a guy it doesn’t matter what he does, she doesn’t like him. So stop pretending, NO Stop thinking that every guy needs to act like this guy! Good grief! Most women would call the cops on any dude who, as I was informed, snuck into a girl’s bedroom and watched her sleep. Eeewww… In this case your book informed sensibilities are as wrong as any man’s who, after readinga few ”Conan the Barbarian” pulps, wants to walk around in fur loincloth!
Number Three: Any Vampire and any obsessively romantic pretty boy should be treated with Hatred, pure and unadulterated Hatred! It is the natural order of the universe. They are both things that should not be. ANd combining them does not make it any better. If anything an obsssively romantic pretty boy vampire should be the most hated of Satan’s servants.
Friends, this kind of ”swooning” for an akwardly creepy demonspawn must be stopped! We must rid ourselves of “Twilight.” If we do not then we may only expect to see more women thinking prissy sissies are desirable, more vampires not being killed at our soonest convenience, and more unholy unions of dark enemy and ruinously unrealistic expectation. If we do not act soon it is not unlikely that we shall see books about that most terrible and impossible hoped for monster: the smokin’ hot werewolf girlfriend who doesn’t mind that you forgot her birthday.
And then none of us would be safe.
-Bob
