Victoria’s Existential Secret
Friday, December 5th, 2008I’ve been thinking a lot about underwear lately.
No not like that you pervert. Man get your mind out of the gutter.
No, I’ve been wondering about the very existence of underwear. Why does underwear exist? Where did it come from? What is the real purpose of putting a layer of cloth between ourselves and our clothes? I see some obvious reasons for certain types of undergarments that serve specific purposes, and perhaps that is the origination of these undergarments as a whole, but why do we continue to wear these things no one ever sees? We did not have these things for most of our history as humans so why are they so ubiquitous now? Are we as a society truly so concerned with protecting our clothing we are protecting our trousers from the inside? Or are we merely so paranoid about being seen naked that we find the need to assure ourselves that we will not be seen naked with yet another piece of clothing? If we are just wearing underwear because our clothes would be uncomfortable without the underwear, why not just make our clothes more comfortable? And most of all why would anyone, even someone as out of touch as your grandma, think underwear should be given as a gift?
See here is the thing: We are coming up on Christmas and the one thing everyone seems to dread getting as a gift (yeah guys even your wives) is underwear (yes guys even the “special” kind.) To me this makes perfect sense.
Not because of the embarrassment factor ( “Oh my gosh! How could you?! You gave me underwear for Christmas in front of everyone! Now everyone knows I wear it! The only thing worse would be if everyone thought I didn’t wear any underwear at all!”) but because nothing is more uncomfortable than a pair of underwear that doesn’t fit right. Underwear is one type of article of clothing I wish I could have tailor made every time to ensure that I don’t regret putting it on. But since even I would uncomfortable with that kind of fitting, the next best thing it seems to me is to allow me to find my favorite kind of underwear and buy it religiously. I feel the same way about socks and soda pop.
The giver has to know that from simple comfort that the receiver cannot be obliged to wear their gift (and how could you the giver know if they receiver wore the gift.) In fact the only reason I can see why anyone (except for lonely husbands) to give underwear to anyone is to gently put social pressure on the recipient to continue to conform to societal norms and wear underwear. Underwear is not given because it is a necessity by any stretch of the imagination or even because it is desired. Rather it is given as a way to ensure certain behavior by members of a society from society, (this is especially true of when husbands give underwear) and so control the use of our innately human freedom into a socially accepted, albeit pointless, manner.
In short: Victoria’s real secret is that they don’t sell undergarments, they sell social control at the expense of existential freedom.
And how sexy is that?
-Bob
