I’m Sick
There are fewer proofs that God hates us all than getting sick. Satan doesn’t need to tempt anybody with piles of cash
and hordes of naked hotties to get us to hate the Almighty. He just has to give us all a case of the sniffles. According to completely reasonable statistics that I just made up, fully 80% of all atheists today ceased to believe in a higher power after a two week long encounter with a strain of influenza.
This is because being sick sucks. It really sucks. Good Father in Heaven something green just came out of my chest! And it is growing! It might be… moving…. ugh.
So anyways this sucks. I’ve been asleep for most of the week. Everything in my face is either swollen or on fire or both. My stomach hurts and my mouth cannot shake this disgusting taste now matter how many oranges I eat, just for you information you stupid Florida Orange Growers Council! And when I am awake all I want to do is watch House.
Man I love that show. House is awesome. It is the only medical drama worth watching. Not so much because of the medical mysteries, although I do love them ripping off Sherlock Holmes mysteries. Rather I love House because of the unforgettable wisdom and heart warming cheer he brings to me in each show. I’d watch that show if it was about Gregory House, Wendy’s Nightshift Supervisor. Truly he shows us all how to hold up under the stress of constant physical discomfort and emotional turmoil, with harsh pharmaceutical drugs and viciously cruel sarcasm.
True there are downsides to being a fan of that show. The first is that any placebo effect I might get from putting lemon juice drops in my nose or any other New Age Hippy Sheisterism ain’t happening. Also I tend to wonder if whatever I have is actually some rare disease and is eventually going to spread out of control and kill me. Which would be cool. But there are upsides. Knowing that no matter what you have it isn’t Lupus is a great one that and knowing that there are tons of drugs with powerful side-effects just waiting to fix one medical problem and create yet another. Luckily I believe in that kind of medical care!
Man was made to fight off the evils of the natural world through the use of unnatural creations we have made. It is the natural order. Unfortunately as a peniless college student/comic strip writer I do not have access to those wonderful harsh chemicals. I have been reduced to those ineffectual treatments that have always been reserved for the poorest of the poor, herbs, minerals, vitamins, getting lots of sleep, taking care of myself, in short: natural home remedies. Dagnabit, my body’s natural chemistry should be changing right now due to an influx of antibiotics, inhaled steroids, and prescription strength decongestants that make me feel different down to my very personality, not waiting for the 2 glasses of hot salt water I snorted to do something! How pathetic is that? It is like I’m living in a country with “free” socialized health care! who the heck would want that!?!
Oh… wait.
Crap.
Well, at least I’m getting a head start on getting used to it. I’m going back to bed.
-Bob
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:15 am
Almost everyone that is sick that comes into an ER can be cured by a monkey with a bottle of Advil! Hope the monkey comes to see you soon and start feeling better!!
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:34 am
To really understand where House is coming from, you should work in an ER…you’d really enjoy the show then….When I worked in the ER, I would have loved to have said some of the stuff that he says.
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Good luck getting better Bob. o.O
When I’m sick, I just take medicine to make me pass out for a few hours at least. :/
January 26th, 2009 at 10:45 am
hEY boB aNd ErIc;
tHIs iS mE GiVINg yOU guYs mAd prOps FoR rOckING mY SOcKs oFf.
boB- giT 2 FeELiNg beTTer.