Stuff Bob Hates: The Acting Edition
Friday, March 6th, 2009Stupid Actors! Good Grief I hate those guys!
First things first: Good acting is not merely being quiet and looking serious in a movie! I am sick and tired of being told
that somebody did a great job acting when all they loser did was to not look at the camera and say nothing! Okay, okay, sometimes that can be alright acting but, come on! Not every durn award should have to go to somebody who barely said their lines. What about the comedians? The pratfallers? The Slapstickers? The Straightmen? The One Liner Guys? How much more difficult is it to tell someone that they look like a horse and get a laugh than to cry softly at the pretend death of someone? Way more difficult that’s what! If Academy Awards were distributed on the basis of difficulty of performance then that guy from Saturday Night Live who always wore those short pants and acted the fool and made the movie “Corky Romano” should have won five. I mean, seriously, he should have killed himself from humiliation like five times before they finished making that. But he didn’t and that takes talent.
The only reason those dramatic boobs get any extra respect is because what they do is “serious.” What a load of garbage that is. How hard is it to do something respectable? It ain’t! What’s hard is doing something, like comedy or philosophy, that no one respects!
You know I bet that is the only reason anyone goes into serious acting! So they can be taken seriously. Lookit! What happens whenever some squirrely little rat who looks too pretty to even be properly despised lands some weepy role where they stand around and either say nothing or shout overly dramatic speeches at someone about their feelings that the critic set loves? They know everything, that’s what. They know everything about what it feels like to have been the person they just pretended to be. Then they know everything about Hollywood and want to become a producer or a director! Then they know all about all of the places they visited on press junkets for their little movies. Next thing they’re talking to every camera they can find about whatever cause they have learned about while on those little trips and yammering to get up to the Congress where they can enlighten the world about their cause!
GARRRRGHH!!! It just ticks me off so much! Like those dweebs know any little thing! Who are they to try to inform anyone of anything?! And why in the name of St. Olaf should anybody listen to them?!
Sure let them shoot their mouths off. Anyone is free to do that! But the pretentious arrogance of those Serious Dramatic Actors! Why does anybody listen to them?! Fer the love of Mike! The only things anyone pays to hear them say are what writers and directors tell them to say! And the only reason we want to hear them then is because they are so empty that they don’t sound like themselves but rather whoever they are supposed to sound like! So why the devil would we want to hear anything else they say on their own time?!
And it is always the Serious Actors who do it! You ever see Larry, Curly or Moe pounding on the doors of the Senate demanding tat somebody do something about a lack of cream pies? NO! Cause anybody willing to have a seltzer shot down their pants in front of the nation has enough class and good sense to not make a public nuisance of themselves.
GARRR! I hate those guys.
-Bob
