Graduating Scholars of 2009, they put out a new Star Trek movie. That’s okay I guess. Not really any of my business. Still I can’t help but notice that whoever it was that decided to do this really didn’t take into consideration the feelings of people who don’t particularly like Star Trek. Seriously, so we really need all of these inevitable brand new Trekkies?
Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t dislike Star Trek. With the sheer number of nerds that graduate each year, I feel I must make this abundantly clear. I kinda even like the Next Generation and Deep Space Nine. (Both came on when there was nothing else on and made me a loyal viewer for a while. At least until I got sick and tired of how clean things are in the perfect future of Roddenberry where not even the war in Deep Space Nine for the very survival of the galaxy could do more than kick up some dust on to a uniform.) But I just don’t particularly like the original Star Trek.
I even tried to like Star Trek, class of 2009. As a seven year old I gave the classic piece of Sixties television science fiction almost a dozen chances to displace Star Wars as the best thing I had ever seen. I was probably only doing it to be “cool,” (remember class of 2009, I was only seven and children have the most retarded notions about what is cool.) But if it didn’t stick then, when I was a mere pea wit who was dumb enough to think that the cartoon cat Heathcliff was kind of funny, I don’t think it is going to stick now that I know exactly how funny Heathcliff actually is.
That said, class of 2009, I must admit that one particular aspect of that show intrigues me to this day: the idea of using color coded clothing to distinguish one set of people from another at a glance. I have no idea what the color coding actually meant, besides that the guy in red who wasn’t Mr. Scot was going to die, but it seemed terribly effective at communicating… something. Yes, communicating something.
In fact, class of 2009, this idea has so intrigued me that I have even considered how I could implement it to solve real life problems created by a failure to identify the group someone is in. I have often thought of how many embarrassments we as a a society could avoid when seeking to find a date if we could simply get everyone to wear a colorful hat whose particular shade told everyone else about them, whether the wearer was single, in a relationship, married, or quite willing to flout their vows by pretending to be single, what they were looking for in another, and what their interests were. There would be no more guesswork in trying to get to know someone because their hat would declare for anyone who was not colorblind to instantly tell all the pertinent information about someone else.
A similar system could be introduced with other articles of clothing that could be dyed to mean different things about different fields. From color coded pants to indicate our careers to color coded shoelaces to declare our musical tastes, we could use this power of color to communicate exactly where we stand in relation to others.
Now of course, as I am sure you, the class of 2009, have guessed that we’d all have to carry around color wheels that explain what each of the hundreds of shades mean. And that would get really annoying.
And of course we would all be even more annoyed when newly created Star Trek fans began to throw the whole system off by wearing whatever color clothes fit their little Star Trek conventions, because there is nothing more annoying than when someone gives up their freedom to give in to society’s mandates and someone else comes along and makes that sacrifice seem unimportant. And between those two annoyances I think the whole system would break down.
So in conclusion, class of 2009, I think we should all sit down and write a letter to our Hollywood director and producer and ask them to really rethink whether they should be putting out more movies that encourage such a blatant disregard for the accepted social order. Now that you are done with school you will have just oodles and oodles of time to just sit around and do whatever you want, so that wouldn’t really be a big waste of time.

-Bob

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