-I have a really dysfunctional relationship with sleep. I swear we cannot get along. One day two hours of sleep is enough, the next I cannot fall asleep if I lay in bed for fourteen hours, let alone get rested. It’s not my fault though. I try to give sleep the amount of time that it usually needs to do it’s job. But I can never tell if that is going to be enough time to be asleep in until I wake up. How capricious is that?!

-I want to see a sitcom about the ghost of Leonid Brezhnev and his new job as assistant manager of a Taco Bueno. I bet it would be a critical hit but be too high concept for a wide audience.

-Somebody at the University of Chicago started a “Men’s Advocacy Group” to help empower men. Good idea, but, doesn’t the fact that there is a men’s advocacy group kinda prove that the feminists won? Seems to me to only show that they have turned us all into PC losers who have to join together in organized groups built on the basis of random characteristics like ethnicity or gender to “advocate” for us rather than us defend ourselves as free people.
Oh well, as long as it keeps us repressing women bring it on!

-You know how when you get a fortune cookie it is kinda fun to add the phrase “on the pot” or “in the sack” to the end of it to make it sound funny? No? Well you can. Adds a whole new dimension to getting fortune cookies.
Well I think it’d be good if we started a new phrase, like say, “atop an elephant” or “in Tijuana” ir “if you could only get your life together” to the end of fortune cookie messages. The old ones are fine, but we can all see where they are going immediately. What we need are some phrases that are a bit more open ended, a bit more complex. Something that has layers of meaning to be explored as you wait for the MSG induced bloating to go away, something like “like yo’ mama didn’t even know!”

-I don’t see why we don’t just drain as much water as possible back into the nation’s aquifers. Currently we pollute the oceans with hundreds of gallons of fresh water every year and I’ll bet you hippies hate that. That has to be bad for the environment somehow, right?
But I think we should redirect the course of nature, not merely to appease our inner whiner, but because we could always more resources, and especially water, which is used for everything from heavy manufacturing, to nuclear power plants, to making water parks actually fun! We just need a system to catch as much rainwater as possible and feed it into the ground. If we could just dig a hole large enough so the rain could immediately access the aquifer…
Why then we could even redirect rivers to feed into the hole, pouring their precious river water into a vessel forged by man to be held for our exploitation, and not merely going and being wasted in some stupid “water cycle.”

-Why aren’t chickens big enough to ride yet?

-I’ll bet the ghost of Leonid Brezhnev would always give Janice time off but always make Damien work. He was a tool after all and he totally is crushing on both Janice and Karen. Loser.

-Bob

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Tags: Chickens, fortune cookies, Men's groups, Rain, Sleep, The Ghost of Leonid Brezhnev

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