NOW!
As I was saying last week, before the limitations of time and space so rudely interrupted me, contrary to popular belief writing is a very difficult medium in which to exactly communicate what is on your mind. Maybe not so hard to communicate what you have carefully and painstakingly crafted and honed into finely balanced literary work when taken seriously and given ample attention by a careful an interested audience, but, come on! How often does that happen for writer or reader? Especially of anything written on the internet?
It doesn’t! No! The internet is not used for careful reading! And certainly not for careful writing.
If anything internet writing is almost like a transcript of a persons thoughts, with all of the background noise, ill-defined context, and vague meanings that go along with the standard loosely constructed, shoot from the hip, internet style of writing.
That is why we have invented the Emoticon!
For you see in the slipshod world of quick internet writing a fellow can either continue to try to refine and rewrite his sentences, seeking to use a more accurate vocabulary and carefully delineated clauses and subclauses, in order to get the reader to feel the same consuming emotions that he, the writer, feels on the subject, or he can use a >:( . See. An angry face. That means the author is angry.
Likewise a writer can go plunging into his thesaurus to find enough synonyms to describe the outpouring of emotion he felt during his experience with what someone else wrote or he can write the acronym LOL. This means the reader/writer feels bad that what he read isn’t actually funny.
And which of these ways is easier?! Why the shortcut of the emoticon and the acronym of course, you stupid hillbilly! (Or O.C.Y.S.H! in acronymese.)
But there is, unfortunately a grievous lack actually useful acronyms and emoticons for us on the internet. Sure we have TTYL, and , but what we need is relevant internet shorthand. So I propose that we add the following letters and symbols to our vocabulary.

1.) WWIS? -What Was I Saying? Used when the writer loses his train of thought.
2.) GRRRRRR- I am angry. Used when the writer gets angry.
3.) ):DC – The backwards facing visage of a frowning samurai in full battle armor smiley. Used by the writer to display his disgust at the concept of cowardice.
4.) (ASIBIA)- All Said In Bad Italian Accent. Used when the Writer needs to clarify that his apparent misspellings and numerous references to la cosa nostra were part of a poorly thought out attempt to imitate the stereotypical Italian-American
5.) CQIMB- Chuckling Quietly Into My Beard. Used when the writer wishes to express that something has amused them enough chuckle quietly and that they have a beard.
6.) :Q – The so sleepy a little bit of drool came out of my mouth smiley. Used by the writer to indicate that he my need a wetnap to clean the corners of his mouth.
7.) OCOWHSNTNCTMF!- Oh Come On, Who Hasn’t Seen The Nineteen Thirty Nine Classic The Maltese Falcon! Used when the writer wants to express shock and horror at his audiences lack of exposure to classic cinema.
8.) =:)> – The Satyr Smiley. Used when the writer wishes to express in an innocent way to his readers that he currently feels like he would enjoy being a part goat man while romping through the fields and woods of ancient Greece while playing the flute, drinking large amounts of wine, and cavorting promiscuously with woodland nymphs.
9.) ICFTRKA- I Can’t Find The R Key Again. Used by a writer to explain why he no longer is using the letter “R” in any of his writing.
10.) b..d -The Muscular Smiley, the b and d are supposed to look like flexing arms beside a tiny head. Used by the writer to indicate that he is busy working out while he writes. (See last weeks blog.)
11.) TSCW- Too Sleepy Can’t Write. Use by lazy writers who won’t suck it up and finish what they thought was important enough to start, but was obviously not important enough to finish.

-Bob

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Tags: acronyms, communication, emails, smileys, texting, web stuff

This entry was posted on Friday, June 12th, 2009 at 3:40 am and is filed under Blog/News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.