In keeping with the theme of not really having a theme or a focus to this blog, so that neither author nor reader can really ever know what to expect each week, this week I shall be helping you, my loyal reader, find music to leave to.
If you are asking yourself right now why on the Good Lord’s Good Green Earth you would ever need to have music playing as you leave somewhere you have obviously failed to ever watch any kind of media or performance ever.
Exit music is awesome. It tells everyone what just happened and what kind of person you are and what they can expect next. It is the shorthand with which directors and producers of all kinds of films and television shows overcome any gaps that may exist in their storytelling ability. Exit music is how you know that the good guy really did win and that everything is going to be okay or that the police can’t find the serial killer’s body and that the sole virginal female survivor of “Blood Rampage 7: Slaughter Party” has more to worry about than a clerical error. And that is why I am providing you a short list of music to leave any situation by. So shut it and then find a way, a la the Fonz, to play these songs over some loud speakers as you make your way out of the room.

5.)Shakespeare in Loose – Les Blerots de R.A.V.E.L.
Nothing says “I am a smart, busy, eclectic, French speaking hipster” like demanding to hear Les Blerots de R.A.V.E.L.’s “Shakespeare in Loose” right before abandoning a party of other easily impressed post-modern slacker wannabees.

4.)Hot Potato – The Wiggles
Need to get out of a deposition or Last Will and Testament reading ASAP? Well nothing will get people to let you do whatever you have set your mind to quite like when you pull out a pair of sunglasses and solemnly announce that you have to go and that if anyone has any questions that they will be answered by the following song.

3.)K-ucci- Jark Prongo
When you need to get away in a hurried manner, but actually want to hang around for a while while making an exit then this techno classic from 1994 is perfect for you. Nothing will make it more obvious to everyone that you don’t really care to leave as much as you like the idea of leaving as a song from a genre that likes the idea of music but doesn’t care to actually make much music. Also because it is almost 11 minutes long you will have more than enough time to say your farewells, do some shopping, grab some coffee, and get most of the way home before it ends.

2.) Happiness Is A Warm Gun- The Beatles
This classic from the mind of John Lennon will make perfectly clear why you are leaving your new girlfriend’s ten year old sister’s ballet recital: you need another hit of heroin and you need it fast. Best accompanied by the loud declaration that it is too hot in here and why can’t anyone else feel the ants in their skin.

1.) Jolla-Penimo
There is no better time than an abrupt, insult fueled exit to remind everyone that we all come from Mother Africa and at least YOU remember it. True, the fact that your family originally hails from Bangalore, India might throw everyone in the Olive Garden for a loop, but your choice of this Gambian tune will show everyone how truly one you are with all of Humanity.

-Bob

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