The Happy Lies
Last year I shared with you all how I loved St. Valentine’s Day. The emotional pain and neediness that are the twin pillars of St. Valentine’s Day are a delight to observe. Indeed, the desperation and sorrow that seems to fill the air every February 
14th is like a savory aroma filling my oft-flaring nostrils.
If that was not good enough, every year as St. Valentine’s Day approaches I get to witness the carefully targeted marketing campaigns trying to convince terrified and confused men to buy something, ANYTHING, I-know-that-thing-on-TV-right-there-that-will-make-her-love-me, to keep their woman happy. Sometimes that means seeing overpriced teddy bears peddled on the premise that deep down inside every woman is still 7 years old (which is probably true). Sometimes that means hearing a voice actress whose agent bills her voice as “sensual” insinuate things about handmade chocolate covered strawberries that have nothing to do with the eating berries. And very often it means being told that the one sure way to get a woman to “snuggle” with her husband is to be given more underclothes she had not bought herself or pajamas in a box. But all the time it means seeing that manipulating St. Valentine’s Day and its accompanying psychological baggage is a great way to make money. And I love that.
To make things even better the clouds of despair that hover so thickly around so many single people that they couldn’t see a tractor trailer bearing down on them at 5 miles an hour. The wailing that their lonely little hearts make whenever they see a pink heart or a cutout Cupid can be heard for miles around!
All of this appeals to my coal black heart. Why? Because I love the pain of our existence! And I will not tolerate anything interrupting my schadenfreude!
So this year should be a bit of a disappointment what with this year’s St. Valentine’s Day falling on Sunday, the least romantic and most easily ignored day of the week. No one likes to go do stuff Sunday night, what with work starting again the next morning. Some people will say that is okay and that they can just celebrate St. Valentine’s Day earlier on, like on Friday or Saturday. And that is just stupid. Regardless of what anyone says Sunday will be St. Valentine’s Day and everyone will feel the weight of all of the expectations their sweetheart, society, and they have for themselves and their love life on that night.
Sunday is also very often a night for church to shield their emotions from the importance they place on one day of the calendar. Many people who go to church will be able to use their religious devotion to justify failing in their societal;y imposed romantic duties. So that should be bad for me right?
Wrong. Wrong because the one rival for my love of existential pain is a love of self-delusion and willful hypocrisy. And that is something which this particular St. Valentine’s Day will provide in spades!
Usually people can’t help but be overcome by the gravity of St. Valentine’s Day’s obligations. But with even one simple tool, in this case the falling of St. Valentine’s Day on an unfortunate day of the week, most people are going to be able to trick and manipulate themselves into believing that they are not culpable for failure to meet their obligations to their sweety and to themselves.
Can’t have dinner with your love? Who is open after 8 on a Sunday!
Forgot that St. Valentine’s Day was today? Buy a gift tomorrow and lie about the gift not shipping in time!
No St. Valentine’s Night hanky-panky? Well you’ve got work in the morning and it is gonna be a long week.
No date? Who does things on a Sunday?
The important thing is to find a reason around the beliefs that you unquestioningly hold dear without actually rejecting them.
So go out there, work yourself into a tizzy, and lie to yourself! I know you can.
-Bob
February 12th, 2010 at 9:26 am
Bob…. You need a woman!!! LOL!!