Boodachitaville » Barack

Winners and Losers

admin — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:22:36 +0000

To paraphrase General George S. Patton, Americans love a winner. And that completely explains Barack Obama’s approval ratings! ZING! Man, this poor guy has the touch of death. He has killed everything he has ever endorsed. Socialized Healthcare, The Chicago Olympic bid, Cap and Trade, Copenhagen, reducing obesity in America, the election of Democrat party candidates in Democrat Party strongholds, The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien: all matters that Barack Obama has come out in support of and all doomed failures . And the stink of failure is starting to stick to him.
Giving off that “Chief Engineer of the ‘Titanic’” vibe is bad juju for anybody but it is particularly lethal when you work in a field that only attracts megalomaniacs, sycophants, popularity seekers, and those with a near psychotic drive to be liked and powerful. And the only way to control those people, all of whom will not eat you alive because it is obvious to them that you will cast them into outer darkness if they do not please you, is to show them you can bend the world to your will. If you hadn’t guessed already, watching everything you put yourself on the line for fail does not show the political hoi polloi that you are the inevitable winner/ dispenser of favor they had better back.
Failing to get what you want is also dangerous with regards to the public at large. Americans don’t like being reminded that they are governed. They like to grumble about the crooks in Washington and pay attention to anything else. But they hate it when those crooks in Washington look like they can’t get along or agree on where the nation should go. This is because America grew up in the Industrial Revlution and loves efficiency above almost anything else. They may be able to understand and even enjoy a little good old Tammany Hall style kickbackery and corruption. Most Americans could probably accept that stealing from the public is unavoidable, especially when the congressmen they elect run on the “bringing home the bacon” platform. But Americans will not stand having their corrupt government waste their time failing to do what it set out to do. Americans may hate what Congress passes but they will not be deprived by a failed leadership of the huge amounts of bills they expect Congressmen to vote on and then use as fodder for their next campaign.
Poor President. If only he had managed to crush the resistance of a conservatives, moderates, almost half of Congress, and the Supreme Court he might now still be hated but at least he wouldn’t look like that most pathetic sight in politics, the guy who can’t get his way.
One guy who did manage to look like a winner this week was the newly deceased JD Salinger. While I never liked “Catcher in the Rye” apparently enough people did to make his dying at the very respectable age of 91 a huge national story. Salinger became a winner by creating one of the most self-absorbed, self-righteous, and irrational characters ever, a teenager named Holden Caulfield, a character who instantly connected with the most self-absorbed, self-righteous, and irrational demographic ever, teenagers. Somehow Caulfield’s obsessive rants about phonies resonated with a group filled with perpetual phonies, fakers who fake everything because they don’t know who they are yet. Salinger wrote a book and created a character that embodied the spirit of the worst generation, the Baby Boomers. And for that he is a winner. True, a winner who won by connecting with people who felt like losers. But still a loser who could get more support than the President of the United States.

-Bob

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An Appeal to My Readers For… Help

admin — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 09:51:02 +0000

One of the best things about being a man of conviction, which as a loyal and faithful reader of this blog you certainly know I am, is that I hardly ever do not know what I think about things. I usually have already thought through how I would react to something before I am ever given the opportunity to ever see what I have thought through. For example I know that the reintroduction of high, stiff, starched collars would amuse me even as they irritated my neck. I know that the failure of the first Polynesian-American candidate for President to garner any real support from the “civil rights” crowd on the basis of his ethnicity would make me laugh and laugh and then feel bad for him for not being able to use his ethnicity for as much financial support as other people have. I also know that as soon as women stop wearing tights all the freaking time I am gonna do a jig.
And it is that certainty about what I think that makes it so bothersome when I am not sure what to think about something. And unfortunately for me right now I don’t know what to think about some things.
Like for one thing that has been bothering me: The State of the Union Address has not been set. In case you didn’t know that is the Constitutionally mandated report the President has to give to Congress. It is gonna be soon but it hasn’t been set as far as I can tell. Now they were gonna do it February 2nd. Thing is the show that proves that American’s are some of the biggest jive suckahs out there, the hit series Lost, is set to start its new and final (thank you Lord!) season on that same day! So you can guess what happened. “Lost” freaks, spearheaded by one Boodachitavillian in particular, started petitions to try to get the White house to move it. Well guess what? They moved it from February 2nd, but of course, said the White House, not because they did not want to hack off every “Lost” fan in the nation for bumping their show!
So here is the problem: how should I feel about this?
I feel like I should feel a little resentful that a show that goes NEVER GOES ANYWHERE!!!! EVER!!! carries more weight than a Constitutionally mandated duty of the Government of this Nation. But I also feel delighted that the will of the people, even the will of the nerds of the people, is able to FINALLY dissuade this Administration from anything! Of course if it was going to hack people off more against an Administration that needs to be opposed more then I should be for them doing it!
But then think about this, what if the reason that they aren’t doing the State of the Union isn’t because they don’t want to anger people but because they want to buy more time to get their damnable Socialized Healthcare power grab passed before the State of the Union! If that is the case then I want that jerk Barack Obama to have to fess up to being a failure in the one area that matters most to politicians, being able to get what he wants, and see him get more and more impotent and powerless to impose his twisted vision on this nation.
But then again if that is the case then wouldn’t it be the most pathetic and humiliating thing for the administration to have to keep pushing back the date of the State of the Union to June? I’d love to see that!
So what should I think? Thoughts?

-Bob

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Because Screw You Barack Obama!

admin — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:33:52 +0000

Editorial Note: Apparently some of the content in the blog bellow may not be considered “family friendly”. At the least Eric is worried about it. I don’t know why. Oh well. Anyways to preserve the peace and make sure families don’t think we are hostile I, Bob of Boodachitaville, have edited the following blog so that those under the age of 8 can read it in good conscience. BUT in the interests of freedom of speech and actually getting the freakin’ point across and treating my readers like everlovin’ adults I will be placing the “questionable” content beneath the regular article so that those who want to know what I said can read it for theyselves.

-Bob

Listen!
I know there isn’t a thing I can do to stop socialized health care from getting crammed down this nation’s collective throat and sending millions of us to a premature and sickness filled death.
I also know there wasn’t anything to be done to stop Net Neutrality from being adopted by a handful of bureaucrats so they could begin to control the one truly free forum for thought in the world.
I know that Cap And Trade will be used to make us as poor as Ethiopia out of “fairness” and “to save the environment.”
I know that soon, in the name of “fairness,” the air waves will be controlled by a handful of commissars who will determine what the American people should be able to hear.
I know there is no way for me to help our troops in Afghanistan receive the life saving reinforcements that General McChrystal has requested and that the war there will drag on even longer because of the delay.
I know that this is not a “right-center” or even a “left-center” nation as so many people suggest.
I know, rather, we are a nation that is essentially —————————————- *(edited for content)
I know that the people of this nation will continue to elect self-serving thieves because we are all convinced that the real problem lies with the guys every other state elects.
And I know that nothing short of a swastika on the sleeve of a sitting American President, not even cult of personality style posters and messianic promises, will get Americans to admit the possibility that maybe they elected somebody who is NOT acting out of love for this country and for the benefit of this nation.
I also know that the average American will say that nothing so terrible is going on and that everything will be alright.
And I know I can do nothing to change that.
Sure! I could work for years to slowly win back the hearts of my fellow countrymen and try to convince them to only vote for people who hold their word as their bond and will truly uphold and defend the Constitution. I could spend my lifetime trying to show people how tyranny, even for desirable ends, is still tyranny and that enslavement of unborn generations to huge debt and intrusive government is still enslavement. But that’d take a lot of time and I am an American and dang it I don’t wait! So as Otter from Animal House said in support of Bluto’s call to arms against Dean Wormer, and I quote,

We gotta take these ———–*(edited for content). Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.

And I, like Bluto and the Delta house before me, am just the guy to do it.
When you see it, you will know what I am talking about. And on that day you will ask “Dear Lord in Heaven why?”
But I will answer you now.
Because Screw You, Barack Obama.
That’s why.
On a completely unrelated note who wants to build a float with me?

-Bob

CHILDREN SHOULD NOT READ BELOW!!!!!

* Edited from Above(like a horny 16 year old girl at the senior prom, only instead of wanting to be talked out of our pants and into the sack we want to be talked out of freedom and into socialism and instead of swooning at crepe paper and the promise of personal validation through sex we just want free stuff and national validation through acceptance by all of the other socialist countries of the world.)

* Edited from Above (bastards.)

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Racism and Local Advertising

admin — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 10:38:13 +0000

In case you hadn’t noticed my general opinion about showing compassion for people or things is that I don’t. And if you do you are a racist. There, I said it. Compassion is for racists.
Not that racism is compassion, cause that would just be nuts and deny what racism actually is. Rather I am saying that to be compassionate is to be racist.
Who else but a bigot would pour out their emotions and let themselves feel bad for someone who feels bad? I mean it is an empty gesture anyways! It isn’t like your feeling bad for someone else feeling bad is gonna fix anything. So number One it is illogical to show compassion. And what else is illogical? Answer: Racism.
Number Two: If you feel compassion for one person or thing that is in trouble I’ll bet a month of monkeys that you don’t feel equal amounts of compassion for other people and things that are in pain or in trouble! And what is that? Answer: Discrimination.
So if you are feeling compassion right now you are a racist. There I said it.
But here is the third thing that proves compassion is a form of racism: Everyone has a little bit of it inside of them. It is true. Everyone is a racist. Everyone illogically pours out their emotional strength in a futile gesture for one suffering person or thing over another equally or more deserving suffering person or thing. Even Barack Obama. (Dude, my spell check thinks I misspelled “Barack Obama”! How racist is that!? Gotta stop using Windows 95.) Even the Reverend Jesse Jackson. Even the Dalai Lama. Even Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Even me.
I personally am racist towards local models/actresses who appear in locally produced advertisements. I pity them more than most other creatures on this Earth. Who on Earth is more pathetic than the poor pretty niece of a local car dealer or girlfriend of a pool hall owner? Maybe she is cajoled into doing the commercial by loving and proud family members or maybe she willingly sought out here thirty seconds of fame by going to a regional talent agency. It doesn’t matter. Either way she is about to be just another reminder to everyone in the tri-county area that she and the product she is peddling will always be a provincial second rater.
Now it isn’t that she isn’t pretty! No. You can tell from the second you see her advertisement that she is pretty enough in THE REAL WORLD, but this is television! And all of that natural prettiness and personal kindness that everyone who knows her knows and cares about will disappear she will be going head to head with a perfectly packaged, professionally produced mini-masterpieces that national commercial campaigns produce.
There is no way that a pretty dress out of a closet is going to not be beaten by something from a professional wardrobe! Especially not when the professional wardrobe lady is working alongside a trained hair and makeup team so that a professional lighting director and tens of thousands of dollars worth of equipment can capture a perfect three seconds of digital footage! All our local spokes-girl has is a windy parking lot blowing her hair and knocking her mike off her lapel while her brother tries to get the shot on VHS before the sun moves. Why she may not even realize that if she is going to play the sexy angle she actually has to play the sexy angle by putting on the tiny skirts and slinky dresses that will horrify all five generations of her onlooking family. While the national advertisers will simply overdub their actresses voice with the smooth tones of a much more pleasing older woman our little star has to shot at the shot gun mike over the sound of the highway while trying to speak for the first time ever in a non-regional accent and overcome the natural camera shyness that overtakes nearly everyone.
All of this disparity and we, the viewers, will still automatically compare her afternoon of work in front to the coiffed, primped, and surgically improved babe with no speaking lines.
Is it any wonder that local commercial girls rarely make a second appearance? Course then again the perfect, lustrous, mute babes on the national commercials never appear more than once. I mean I guess that makes sense. I suppose they only have like five or six months tops of peak beauty due to a perfect storm of youth, intense diet and exercise, lack of long term stress, and well timed cosmetic surgery before they start to wear down a tiny bit and are handily discarded like a single slice American cheese wrapper.
At least the local girls are still loved by their boat and tanning booth selling relatives. And if they get dumped by their chicken wing selling boyfriend after failing to be as great on TV as he expected they can just chalk it up to him being a jerk and not to them being trashy enough to get fooled by a jerk. What does a 23 year old former model/actress babe have to look forward to? She is too pretty to be accepted as a mainstream actress. Her enhanced physique and small belly will mean she can neither sell products to women nor have a speaking role in anything more highbrow than Married… with Children. And all of the local commercials are taken up by less talented and connected nieces and granddaughters of local merchants.
Man this almost makes me feel some compassion for the national models/actresses. But no. Racism has to end somewhere.

-Bob

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3, Count ‘Em 3, Election Observations!

admin — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 13:01:10 +0000

1.) Kids, even though I didn’t vote for Obama let me say this: I have had a feeling for a while that regardless of who won the election that within the space of a year we all, as a nation, were doomed to wind up just like Oliver Hardy yelling at Stan Laurel, “Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into!”

So to all of you fellow McCain toleraters/supporters lets us all just be happy over the next four years to be the skinny guy stuck in four foot deep water getting yelled at by the fat guy who flooded the basement. And to all of you Obama supporters may I issue a pre-emptive “Sorry, Ollie.”

2.) Is this a freaking third world banana republic or something?! I understand that voter fraud has a grand and storied past but come on! When I know people who are friends with admitted fraudulent voters, when anyone even thinks they can get a voter card for Mickey Mouse, or when you’ve got folks standing watch outside polling places then how can anyone have any faith in the voting process?! I know that, against the Framers intentions, we limited the size of our Congress to allow easier fraud and the two parties tighter control over the political process and to make our representatives less accountable but this is getting transparently corrupt.

And with this bull about pre-voting and absentee voting you practically are inviting people to vote multiple times! Lord forbid that somebody vote two weeks early and then the voter change their mind or that candidate drop out (I am looking at you this primary season!) There is a reason that we have an election day! It so that we have a point in time when everybody is able to hear the whole argument and then finalizes their decision based on the info available to everyone! Early voting encourages fraud and requires uninformed voting.

So I propose this:

First, We make Election Day a Federally mandated holiday. Kids out of school and everyone off of work for a full 24 hours. Anyone who has to work gets triple overtime and a minimum of twelve hours off. It’s only every two years, and one of those is on a leap year. And America could use more holidays. Plus now kids can grow up watching their families participate in civic governance.

Second, Voting occurs during the whole 24 hour period. That way even people who ain’t paid attention can still figure it out and we don’t have to see grown reporters making fools of themselves trying to declare a winner at 4PM Eastern!

Third, Everyone gets a blue thumb! Worked to stop the al Qaeda in Iraqi from cheating, it’ll stop Acorn. But that means no more Absentee voting, ‘cept for overseas military and state department.

Fourth, We increase the number of representatives back to about one per every 30,000 people. Make your neighbor the guy the President has to talk to, not some schlemiel trucked in from Florida because he’s “electable” I say. That also means your cousin might get to be an Elector! And that means we might put an end to the rubber stamping of candidates by the Electoral College!

Fifth, Voting takes place at one location per Congressional district. One giant fair per district where people will all watch each other vote. Inside the bounds of the grounds voting, outside, campaigning and fun! There was a reason why early Americans loved politics, and a voting festival with friends, food, grog, and fun was no small part of it. If we gotta think about politics may as well make it bearable. Also that means no one can control a polling place by force, ‘cept the coppers. And that is probably a good thing. Maybe.

3.) I never did like Obama. His whole “Yes We Can!” shtick struck me as being a hackneyed emotional appeal to place a blind faith in him personally that Jesus Himself never asked. It stank of that ridiculous notion that people are basically good, and that mankind is not doomed to destroy itself, and that government is not damned to become tyrannical unless ruthlessly watched by patriots. But that’s just my opinion.

Until two hours ago. I hadn’t seen the 1979 cult classic “The Warriors” since I was a kid. But I just watched it again. And can I say that if Barack Obama had used Cyrus’s unifying chant of “Can You Dig It?!” instead of “Yes We Can” then 95% of Americans would have voted for him. That is a catch phrase people can get behind! That is a phrase that is full of both substance and style! A phrase Americans can rally behind! CAN YOU DIG IT!

Can you dig it, President-elect Obama? I am certain you will be running for President for the next four years, so be certain you can, lest in four years we Republicans begin to dig it ourselves.

You Commie.

-Bob

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