Avast thar me mateys!  Yarrgh!  I been paryusin’ them thar headlinesand be pleased to announce to ye all, scurvy sea-dog, worthy seaman (no ribaldry if ye please) and lilly livered land lubber a’like, ‘at the Age O’ High Seas Piracy Be Retarned!  No Joke!
Three Cheers fer arr dread Somali Pirate Cousins what have attacked 120 vessels  and ransomed away millions o’ dollars this year alone and taken a worthy peacefulvessel full o’ black crude worth $100,000,000.00 and are holdin’ it fer $25,000,000.00 in spite o’ all the worlds navies! Hip, Hip, HYHAARRGGHH!!!  Hip, hip, HYHAARRGGHH!!!  Hip hip HYHAARRGGHH!!!
Truly this here be a black day for any merchantman ‘pon the briney blue!  No national navy’ll come to save them thar servile merchant marines, no power they say.  Harharharharhar! Dja hear that me lovelies!  Powerless!  The mighty American Navy, the storied Royal Navy, none of ‘em can do a dem thing!  The best proof of that, me hearties, be that the Oonited Nations ‘ave voted ”sanctions” against Piracy!  HAAAAAAAAAAAA-HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh!  Now I just ‘ave ta give up me freebootery so’ssome silky smooth civil sarvant won’t make yars truly ”subject to an asset freeze and travel ban.”  HAR! That’ll stop us! 
These har buroowcrats are sae afeared o’ arr kind and what we could do to ‘em and thar precious reputations once, ‘at they won’t even tink about what we can do to ‘em again and again!   
True, they say they won’t pay the ransom fer the crew, but they also say they can’t do a thing!  So whats to stop arr buccaneer brethren from scuttlin’ the ‘ole tanker and crew to Davey Jones Locker and spillin’ all ‘at crude into the bright blue deep! Nothin’ me hearties!  They’ll rue thar skinflinterry afterwards I’ll reckon, thinkin’ ‘ow paltry $25 million was compared tah the grief they bought fer themselves.

And soon enough it’ll not just be freighters and tankers, but cruise ships full of fat rich tourists, as some of our poltroonish Pacific pirate brethren ‘ave already tried, and even ports and cities just like in the days of William Kidd, John Hawkins, Francis Drake, and the great Blackbeard hisself, Edward Teach!  The blood and gold ‘ill flow through the arr ‘ands and arr names ‘ill be writ’ large in the nightmares of every seaman and child!

Unless of course the world, or one powerful nation more likely, wises up and begins to hunt these dogs down just like they did in centuries past.  Hunt them down by 1.) building and maintaining big enough navies to actually control all of the major shipping lanes in the world, then 2.) burning the pirates out of every port, cove, and hole they even dream of slithering in to regardless of what any corrupt, bought off local authority or prince says about their sovereignty being violated, and 3.) killing every last pirate and pirate protector, either on sight on the seas (preferably) or on the gallows.

Carse, me hearty lads, ’at’d mean a real, radical, substantive change in fareign policy away from policin’ the waves to rulin’ ‘em.  Away from folks bein’ loved, to bein’ respected an’ feared e’en more than us pirates. An’ we can’t let that happen.  An’ ’at’s why I voted Obama!

-Bob

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Editorial Note: Apparently some of the content in the blog bellow may not be considered “family friendly”.  At the least Eric is worried about it.  I don’t know why.  Oh well. Anyways to preserve the peace and make sure families don’t think we are hostile I, Bob of Boodachitaville, have edited the following blog so that those under the age of 8 can read it in good conscience.  BUT in the interests of freedom of speech and actually getting the freakin’ point across and treating my readers like everlovin’ adults I will be placing the “questionable” content beneath the regular article so that those who want to know what I said can read it for theyselves.

-Bob

Listen!
I know there isn’t a thing I can do to stop socialized health care from getting crammed down this nation’s collective throat and sending millions of us to a premature and sickness filled death.
I also know there wasn’t anything to be done to stop Net Neutrality from being adopted by a handful of bureaucrats so they could begin to control the one truly free forum for thought in the world.
I know that Cap And Trade will be used to make us as poor as Ethiopia out of “fairness” and “to save the environment.”
I know that soon, in the name of “fairness,” the air waves will be controlled by a handful of commissars who will determine what the American people should be able to hear.
I know there is no way for me to help our troops in Afghanistan receive the life saving reinforcements that General McChrystal has requested and that the war there will drag on even longer because of the delay.
I know that this is not a “right-center” or even a “left-center” nation as so many people suggest.
I know, rather, we are a nation that is essentially —————————————- *(edited for content)
I know that the people of this nation will continue to elect self-serving thieves because we are all convinced that the real problem lies with the guys every other state elects.
And I know that nothing short of a swastika on the sleeve of a sitting American President, not even cult of personality style posters and messianic promises, will get Americans to admit the possibility that maybe they elected somebody who is NOT acting out of love for this country and for the benefit of this nation.
I also know that the average American will say that nothing so terrible is going on and that everything will be alright.
And I know I can do nothing to change that.
Sure! I could work for years to slowly win back the hearts of my fellow countrymen and try to convince them to only vote for people who hold their word as their bond and will truly uphold and defend the Constitution. I could spend my lifetime trying to show people how tyranny, even for desirable ends, is still tyranny and that enslavement of unborn generations to huge debt and intrusive government is still enslavement. But that’d take a lot of time and I am an American and dang it I don’t wait! So as Otter from Animal House said in support of Bluto’s call to arms against Dean Wormer, and I quote,

We gotta take these ———–*(edited for content). Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.

And I, like Bluto and the Delta house before me, am just the guy to do it.
When you see it, you will know what I am talking about. And on that day you will ask “Dear Lord in Heaven why?”
But I will answer you now.
Because Screw You, Barack Obama.
That’s why.
On a completely unrelated note who wants to build a float with me?

-Bob

CHILDREN SHOULD NOT READ BELOW!!!!!

* Edited from Above(like a horny 16 year old girl at the senior prom, only instead of wanting to be talked out of our pants and into the sack we want to be talked out of freedom and into socialism and instead of swooning at crepe paper and the promise of personal validation through sex we just want free stuff and national validation through acceptance by all of the other socialist countries of the world.)

* Edited from Above (bastards.)

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