I should be writing a paper for school myself (or at least another script) but instead I have decided to share the Greatest History Paper of ALL TIME!!!!

“Okay to be honest, I really don’t pay attention in your class, and I’m really high right now…”

Best Sentence in an Acedemic Paper Ever.

–Bob

Share and Enjoy!:

So according to an article I saw it seems that someone in Russia is looking to start a new beauty contest called the “Miss Constitution 2008” contest. Seems that some pro-Putin youth activists want to find a way to help get a constitutional change through that would grant Putin dictatorial power and the best way they could think to do that was to throw a beauty contest.

Makes sense to me.

What other medium besides the beauty pageant so perfectly fits an attempt to manipulate appreciation for something into crass acceptance of an unrelated world view?

Don’t get me wrong I love the idea of beauty pageants. Everybody loves to see hot chicks in very little clothing, and not just me. Plus the idea that there is some way to judge something terribly subjective and yet widely agreed on, is very much not up to any individual, and that people can compete fairly in such a contest seems to be very Ancient Greek in concept to me. And I like that brand of paganism for some reason so I tend to let it slide.

I like the idea that anything people can compete in is, in some way, being competed in but in a controlled delineated manner with enough rules so that the contest ultimately proves nothing and makes everyone smaller and cheaper by being associated with the contest. You know, sports.

And the idea that we could make beauty or art or poetry a sport is kinda cool. Pageants should celebrate beauty for its own sake just as sport celebrates competition for its own sake, because such celebrations of beauty are to often left undone. At least that is what beauty pageants should do.

Unfortunately most of these contests do not do that and are ridiculous, hypocritical affairs. I am looking at you Miss America. They cannot admit to being what they are, beauty sports, and so create ridiculous moral and talent criteria to rank an entire human being. They rank people not only on how symmetrical they are or how big or small certain parts of them are but on their other cultivated talents and what goes on inside their hearts and minds. And that is just nuts.

If you wanna have a contest for what college coed is the best opera singer in the nation, go on and do it. It’d be worthwhile! You wanna try and do one for American woman most concerned with whatever the judges think sounds most concerning, well be my guest.

No one can judge what goes on inside someone’s heart. Any woman who competes in that contest whose social concerns do not match the judges would be out on her ear, not because of a lack of moral fiber but because she didn’t fit what they were concerned with. And it makes me question the validity of their concern, even in Miss America, when big bucks and fame are on the line. I am certain no one would change their convictions in an effort to pander for a win, but whatever.

These pageants do demand moral conformity for the crown. They think you can hide a bikini contest behind the façade of finding another sinless Eve. That is ridiculous and degrading to the real competition, a competition of complexion and hair and boobs and legs and waist and definitely not of character.

Makes sense to me that the same folks who want to make a power grab palatable by evacuating the law for power are using the vehicle of a bikini contest made palatable by pretending to desire more than beauty, but really are demanding the evacuation of conscience for power.

Share and Enjoy!:

NOW!
As I was saying last week, before the limitations of time and space so rudely interrupted me, contrary to popular belief writing is a very difficult medium in which to exactly communicate what is on your mind. Maybe not so hard to communicate what you have carefully and painstakingly crafted and honed into finely balanced literary work when taken seriously and given ample attention by a careful an interested audience, but, come on! How often does that happen for writer or reader? Especially of anything written on the internet?
It doesn’t! No! The internet is not used for careful reading! And certainly not for careful writing.
If anything internet writing is almost like a transcript of a persons thoughts, with all of the background noise, ill-defined context, and vague meanings that go along with the standard loosely constructed, shoot from the hip, internet style of writing.
That is why we have invented the Emoticon!
For you see in the slipshod world of quick internet writing a fellow can either continue to try to refine and rewrite his sentences, seeking to use a more accurate vocabulary and carefully delineated clauses and subclauses, in order to get the reader to feel the same consuming emotions that he, the writer, feels on the subject, or he can use a >:( . See. An angry face. That means the author is angry.
Likewise a writer can go plunging into his thesaurus to find enough synonyms to describe the outpouring of emotion he felt during his experience with what someone else wrote or he can write the acronym LOL. This means the reader/writer feels bad that what he read isn’t actually funny.
And which of these ways is easier?! Why the shortcut of the emoticon and the acronym of course, you stupid hillbilly! (Or O.C.Y.S.H! in acronymese.)
But there is, unfortunately a grievous lack actually useful acronyms and emoticons for us on the internet. Sure we have TTYL, and , but what we need is relevant internet shorthand. So I propose that we add the following letters and symbols to our vocabulary.

1.) WWIS? -What Was I Saying? Used when the writer loses his train of thought.
2.) GRRRRRR- I am angry. Used when the writer gets angry.
3.) ):DC – The backwards facing visage of a frowning samurai in full battle armor smiley. Used by the writer to display his disgust at the concept of cowardice.
4.) (ASIBIA)- All Said In Bad Italian Accent. Used when the Writer needs to clarify that his apparent misspellings and numerous references to la cosa nostra were part of a poorly thought out attempt to imitate the stereotypical Italian-American
5.) CQIMB- Chuckling Quietly Into My Beard. Used when the writer wishes to express that something has amused them enough chuckle quietly and that they have a beard.
6.) :Q – The so sleepy a little bit of drool came out of my mouth smiley. Used by the writer to indicate that he my need a wetnap to clean the corners of his mouth.
7.) OCOWHSNTNCTMF!- Oh Come On, Who Hasn’t Seen The Nineteen Thirty Nine Classic The Maltese Falcon! Used when the writer wants to express shock and horror at his audiences lack of exposure to classic cinema.
8.) =:)> – The Satyr Smiley. Used when the writer wishes to express in an innocent way to his readers that he currently feels like he would enjoy being a part goat man while romping through the fields and woods of ancient Greece while playing the flute, drinking large amounts of wine, and cavorting promiscuously with woodland nymphs.
9.) ICFTRKA- I Can’t Find The R Key Again. Used by a writer to explain why he no longer is using the letter “R” in any of his writing.
10.) b..d -The Muscular Smiley, the b and d are supposed to look like flexing arms beside a tiny head. Used by the writer to indicate that he is busy working out while he writes. (See last weeks blog.)
11.) TSCW- Too Sleepy Can’t Write. Use by lazy writers who won’t suck it up and finish what they thought was important enough to start, but was obviously not important enough to finish.

-Bob

Share and Enjoy!: